So, the latest Australian idol has cut his first record hey big deal! I was cutting my first vinyl way back in the 60, well before the rather limiting CD and DVD era of today. See today you only get one listening speed choice. Back then, we had to flick the switch and choose whether to play the vinyl record, on our family gramophone, at 78 or 33 rpm. It was so much fun for us kids, when Dad was in the yard, to mischievously listen to his records designed for 33 rpm being played at the chipmunk speed of 78rpm. Equally hilarious were the 78rpm recorded songs being played at that deep battery running looowwww speed of 33 rpm. Now amazingly back then, one could hire a man to come to one’s house and cut a vinyl record containing the entire family’s audible talents. Now when I say a record, I mean a, as in one (1) only record. It hardly conforms to the commercial requirements of economy of scale demanded of today’s new artists. Then again, this record was still a total sell-out – to our market of one, our Granny in England. On reflection, one would think she must have had a proper name, but us kids always thought it actually was Granny in England, much like the Queen of England only much older. Well by the time this strange suited man with funny ear muffs had set up all the microphones, turnstiles and accompanying leads, we had been bathed, groomed and readied for our royal performance. Being all of 8, I am still not sure of the order of appearance set down for us gifted souls, but I do remember each of our contributions to the entertaining success of that evening. Mum and Dad were the MCs and managed to fill in beautifully the pregnant pauses on the album that was being recorded in real time, as we scratched and doodled. See, we seemed to be paying as much for the silence as for the noise. Pip understood this all too well, and managed to provide a background wail right through the entire recording nice contribution Pip. Tom and me were given the task of singing a Sunday school song about being a sun-beam a totally physically unrealistic concept but still sung fervently with a high note emphasis on the ‘beam’. Helen recited a beautiful sensitive poem about a poor little dog that drank all the chemically charged soapy bath water and died violently I hope England enjoyed that one. David gave a solemn account of one of our trips to Straddie, struggling at times with the plural of octopus and leaving out large sections of his death defying and torture inflicting actions I guess England was best not informed about that stuff. Maggie was the obvious star of our first album and demonstrated her talent by playing again her Grade 3 piano lesson Fur elise a lesson whilst being appreciated for the first time in England, was the constant early morning wake up call for us kids – for about a month. A few more fill in statements from mum and it was into the final track on that very popular album the family’s unique rendition of Oh come all ye faithful. The children’s beautiful soprano and alto voices combined superbly in the verses but were sidelined in the chorus by the seemingly suddenly inspired deep loud monotones of big brother David. Merry Christmas Granny in England was the organised sign off and title of my first album.
