David’s pack of mates were on to it from day one. They knew that the quickest way to meet the 1,000 young people attending the church youth camp on the Gold Coast was to volunteer for kitchen duties. This involved serving the 1,000 campers their evening meal. David showed me how that the worst job on campus, was in fact, the best job on campus. So, David, Dessie Lyons, Bancroft, Howard Tatters, David Christianson and me all lined at the servery ready to dish out the evening meal. We were each given a big pot and a scoop with strict instruction on the specific serve per person. All those cool young guys with their good looking girls were lined up in a huge snake-like line, stretching out the canteen and up along the approaching path. They all stood there waiting anxiously, with their dinner plate in one hand and the sweets plate in the other. Those guys that were too cool to volunteer for kitchen duties, were waiting to be served by these no life workers us. Now this was our house rule chat up the girls and put down these too cool guys! Now you would not think that common old kitchen staff armed with only scoops and aprons would have any chance of putting those so cool guys in their place would you? But then again we were not common old kitchen staff were we. We knew we were a hunting handsome smorgasbord of talent, complete with stalking good looks but presenting as simple innocent volunteers. Well, the fact that the line was always under pressure with constant pushing from behind and little forgiveness for delay, played neatly into our hands for the routines that lay ahead. Now, the first too cool guy to arrive would receive the Side Plate routine. That is, no matter which way he turned his plate we all put his food on the same side of his plate. It was just so much fun watching him turn his plate like a circus contortionist but all to no avail. Come on – move along! – was the ushering call, as he stopped to express his objection. A variation on this put-down was to place everything around the outer rim of his plate and leave the middle completely empty. Usually the too cool target declared himself all too well, but if not, we just took the lead from those guiros of the put-down, David and Dessie. The next cool guy target usually got the Hot Mash Thumb routine. This involved our guy on the hot mash potato pot putting the hottest scoop right on the thumb of the guy that was holding the plate. The cool guy’s plate was already full and so he had no ability to put it down quickly to relieve the hot pain burning his thumb. OK, move it move it stop holding up the line! was our reply, and echoed in chorus by those behind who saw only the delay, but not the cause. The next cool guy to come along got the Ice Cream Steak routine. See, you had to hold your dinner plate out in that Oliver Twist style the whole time the hot meal components were being served. The change to the sweets plate usually occurred after pees. So our first man on sweets would pressure – Ice cream? while the cool guy was distracted and had his dinner plate out to get the final serve of pees. If the reply was Sure, yes or OK then the ice cream scoop was placed neatly on top of the steak on the plate that was being presented for hot food service. Come on, move on move on! You just had to smile, as they walked away with those back glancing daggers and realizing that they had just got a very good serve, rather than the good service they were expecting.
